Supporting Cross-Cultural Friendships

When I was growing up, most of my friends were a lot like me. We looked a lot alike, lived in similar neighborhoods and rarely questioned the racial and cultural uniformity that was the fabric of our lives. This isn’t to say that my high school lacked all diversity.  Like many high schools, our student population was fairly segregated, and I stuck with the group where I felt most comfortable. It wasn’t until college that I experienced some authentic diversity, developed friendships with people who were different from me, and began to recognize how isolated I had been in high school.   

Now that I am a high school teacher, I see students forging meaningful relationships across cultural and ethnic boundaries. I wonder:  In a society that remains largely segregated, what makes it possible for these students to defy the norm? And more importantly, how can I help make my school a safe place for students to form and sustain these cross-cultural relationships?

So I asked my students.

Amanda, a white student, described some of the challenges she has faced since she started dating Terrel, an African-American student, eight months ago. Despite disapproval from family members and harassment from strangers, Terrel and Amanda are determined to set their own terms for their relationship and not to let others define them. 

Gabe, a native of Puerto Rico, “didn’t really have any black friends” before he met his best friend Ciera. “I. didn’t really understand black people,” he said. As their friendship developed, however, both Gabe and Ciera gained new perspectives by spending time with each other’s families. Gabe learned that many commonly held stereotypes of African Americans are not true, and Ciera embraced the opportunity to experience Puerto Rican culture. Now, Ciera says, “I look at him like a brother.” 

Rongqing, a Chinese student, told me about the first time she met her best friend Penelope, a Dominican student. Despite knowing very little English, Penelope taught Rongqing to play volleyball in gym class. Since then, the two have been almost inseparable. 

These students cited several factors that helped them to form and maintain their cross-cultural friendships. One was the experience of working in small groups on class assignments. In fact, all three pairs identified group work as a crucial opportunity that allowed them to meet and get to know someone outside their typical circle of friends. Students also spoke about belonging to a community that honors diversity. Unlike the high school I attended, the school where I teach views diversity as an important component of students’ learning. We aim for a small but diverse student population, and teachers incorporate diverse cultural perspectives into course content. With these practices in place, students feel comfortable enough to take a worthwhile risk:  making friends with someone different. 

These conversations with my students renew my faith in the powerful role schools can play in transforming our society.  Although schools are burdened with a long history of segregation, they are also places where young people take risks and break down boundaries. Events like Mix It Up at Lunch Day are a good place to start. A school that honors diversity not only enables young people to build meaningful relationships with one another but also to build the foundations of a more pluralistic society.

Melville is high school English, Spanish and drama teacher in Pennsylvania.